Old Fashioned
Film Review by Kam Williams

If you’re looking for a wholesome romantic romp as a viable alternative to Fifty Shades of Grey, then look no further than this relatively-chaste faith-based drama revolving around a chivalrous Christian’s courting of his restless new tenant. Old Fashioned opens with a quote from the late Zora Neal Hurston, “Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” That wise adage proves pertinent in this modern morality play chronicling the slow transformation of a wounded woman into one willing to trust again.

At the point of departure, we are introduced to Clay Walsh (Rik Swartzwelder), an unassuming gentleman who retreated to a quiet Midwestern town to run an antique store for his aging but sage Aunt Zella (Dorothy Silver). You’d never guess that this pious proprietor had been a womanizing party animal back in college. But that was ages ago, and the reformed frat boy has been celibate for almost a decade since being Born Again.

Christ-like Clay is mercilessly teased for that by his misogynistic pal, Brad (Tyler Hollinger), a raunchy, radio talk show host who advocates taking advantage of dumb females. In fact, the disgusting shock jock is planning to relocate to Los Angeles because of the number of gullible girls there.

The plot thickens soon after Clay rents the vacant apartment above his shop to Amber Hewson (Elizabeth Ann Roberts), an attractive free-spirit who’s never lived anywhere long enough to put down roots. Sparks soon fly between landlord and tenant based on looks alone, despite their being polar opposites in terms of values and temperament.

But thanks to Clay’s refusal even to kiss while dating, the two are forced to get to know each other rather than rush to intimacy. Written and directed by its star Rik Swartzwelder, the aptly titled Old Fashioned is a refreshingly-principled parable proving that a picture championing chastity can be every bit as entertaining and enjoyable as one promoting promiscuity.

Excellent (4 stars)

Rated PG-13 for mature themes

Running time: 115 minutes

Distributor: Freestyle Releasing

To see a trailer for Old Fashioned, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p0ozDjAQco

Da Sweet Blood of Jesus
Film Review by Kam Williams

The Kickstarter page where Spike Lee raised $1,418,910 from fans for his latest “Joint” expressly states that the money would not used to shoot a remake of Blacula (1972). But it also failed to inform investors that the crowdfunded feature was ostensibly-inspired by another Blaxploitation era horror flick, namely, Ganja & Hess (1973). And after screening this disappointing indie, it’s obvious there was no reason to redo that picture either.

Spike’s sharp decline as a filmmaker in recent years is nothing short of shocking, with Oldboy (2013) and Red Hook Summer (2012) also submitted for your disapproval. Claims to the contrary notwithstanding, Da Sweet Blood of Jesus is basically a boring vampire adventure that’s severely lacking in terms of tension, thrills, premise, storyline, special f/x, plausibility, production value, editing and character development. Am I forgetting anything?

The tawdry tale revolves around Dr. Hess Greene (Stephen Tyrone Williams), a wealthy anthropologist specializing in African Art History. This unrepentant bon vivant divides his time between New York City and an oceanfront summer home up on Martha’s Vineyard, living in the lap of luxury with the help of a private jet, a chauffeured Rolls Royce, and a loyal manservant (Rami Malek).

The plot thickens soon after Dr. Greene is stabbed with an ancient Ashanti artifact, when he develops an insatiable addiction to blood. To satisfy the craving, he steals some from a hospital, and he also embarks on a killing spree. Besides gratuitous slaughter, the film indulges in frontal nudity and eroticized violence, including a sleazy, lesbian sex scene that looks like an outtake from a soft core snuff film.

What would Jesus do, Spike? Repent!

Fair (1 star)

Unrated

Running time: 123 minutes

Studio: 40 Acres & a Mule Filmworks

Distributor: Gravitas Ventures  

To see a trailer for Da Sweet Blood of Jesus, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n739-zHeooQ  

Kingsman: The Secret Service
Film Review by Kam Williams

Harry Hart (Colin Firth) is such an unassuming, buttoned-downed bloke that no one in his right mind would suspect him to be a highly-skilled secret agent capable of killing at the drop of a derby. But as a Kingsman, he belongs to an exclusive fraternity of nattily-attired spies who abide by the motto “Manners Maketh Man.” Members of this covert organization consider themselves modern-day knights, and they see their suits as body armor.

Despite an otherwise distinguished service record, Harry still regrets the mistake he made during a 1997 operation in the Middle East that cost a colleague his life. Today, Harry hopes to make it up to his dearly departed partner by taking on his orphaned son, Eggsy (Taron Egerton), as a protégé.

This will be easier said than done since, besides completing the requisite Navy SEAL-like training program, the young apprentice has a lot of rough edges that need smoothing, including a grating cockney accent. For, the lad grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, so he could use a few lessons in etiquette, ala My Fair Lady’s Eliza Doolittle.

Meanwhile, a matter of more pressing concern comes to Harry’s attention, namely, a plot being hatched by a proverbial diabolical villain bent on world domination. That would be Richmond Valentine (Samuel L. Jackson), a twisted tech mogul who’s in the midst of giving away billions of free SIM cards ensuring free phone calls and free internet access for everyone, forever. All over the planet, people are standing in long lines for the freebies, oblivious of an apocalyptic app they’re about to simultaneously download into their cells.

Adapted from the comic book series The Secret Service, Kingsman is an adrenaline-fueled satire of the espionage genre which, at every turn, will have you harking back to the early James Bond adventures starring Sean Connery. The picture was directed by Matthew Vaughn who co-wrote the script with Jane Goldman, the same collaborator on the equally-inspired Kick-Ass (2010).

Colin Firth is delightfully debonair, here, whether turning on the charm or dispatching bad guys. Samuel L. Jackson is just as amusing cast against type as his worthy adversary with a flamboyant persona complete with lisp. A nostalgic homage to 007 that’s also the most mesmerizing movie of the year thus far.

Excellent (4 stars)

Rated R for profanity, sexuality and graphic violence

In English and Swedish with subtitles

Running time: 129 minutes

Distributor: 20th Century Fox

To see a trailer for Kingsman: The Secret Service, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4NCribDx4U

1971
Film Review by Kam Williams

On the evening of March 8, 1971, Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier squared-off in a heavyweight championship bout billed as The Fight of the Century. At that very same moment, while the rest of the world’s attention was riveted on Madison Square Garden, eight antiwar activists used that event as a distraction to stage a daring break-in of an FBI field office in Media, Pennsylvania.

The meticulously-planned operation went off without a hitch, and they managed to cram every file on the premises into suitcases. The audacious octet had no idea until later that they had purloined shocking proof of the Bureau’s wholesale violations of U.S. citizens’ Constitutional rights via an illegal counterintelligence program nicknamed COINTELPRO.

Dubbing themselves, the Citizens’ Commission to Investigate the FBI, the group Xeroxed the evidence and mailed photocopies to numerous news outlets, most of which refused to publish them. But once one magazine finally did print it, a righteous national outrage ensued. And J. Edgar Hoover ended up with egg on his face, given how he had been using taxpayer money to entrap and spy on any liberals whose politics he did not share.

All of the above is recalled in fascinating fashion in 1971, a whistleblower documentary directed by Johanna Hamilton. What’s interesting to hear is how the participants in the theft eluded capture by the authorities for decades. In fact, the only reason their identities are even known now is because they decided to ‘fess up for the sake of this film.

A belated tribute to some fearless patriots with the gumption to expose the FBI’s lawless ways and the wherewithal to evade apprehension by the Bureau to boot!

Excellent (4 stars)

Unrated

Running time: 80 minutes

Studio: Fork Films

Distributor: The Film Collaborative

To see a trailer for 1971, visit: https://www.1971film.com/trailer

Jupiter Ascending
Film Review by Kam Williams

In 1999, Andy and Lana Wachowski wowed the world with a spectacular mind-bender called The Matrix. But that was ages ago, another millennium, in fact, and their diehard fans have been patiently awaiting the launch of another groundbreaking, sci-fi franchise over the intervening years.

Those prayers might have finally been answered by Jupiter Ascending, a futuristic adventure featuring Mila Kunis in the title role of Jupiter Jones. The film is likely to serve as the first installment in a special f/x-driven series revolving around an apocalyptic showdown over the fate of humanity.

The picture’s point of departure is the city of Chicago, which is where we meet Jupiter, a humble housekeeper born without a country, a home, or a father. She hates her life, between cleaning other people’s toilets and a never-ending string of tough luck, despite an astrological chart marked by Jupiter rising at 23 degrees ascendant which supposedly means she’s a woman of great destiny.

Truth be told, she’s not merely a maid, but has royal blood running through her veins, even if it is of the alien variety. As it turns out, Jupiter’s actually entitled to inherit Earth, and is informed of that good fortune by Caine Wise (Channing Tatum), a hunky emissary from a distant galaxy.

The epic unfolds like a classic origins tale by introducing a plethora of characters and filling in their back stories. For instance, we learn about a trio of aliens from the same planet as Caine, Balem (Eddie Redmayne), Titus (Douglas Booth) and Kalique Abrasax (Tuppence Middleton), each of whom is vying for control of the family food business in the wake of the death of their mother.

That gruesome business involves the seeding of countless planets with life forms for the purpose of consumption. And they are just about ready to harvest humanity, since the Earth is now overflowing with people.

The only thing standing in the way is Jupiter, whose royal genetic signature has established her to be an Abrasax as well as the rightful heir to Earth. For that reason, there’s a price on her head. And her and humanity’s hope for survival rests on the broad shoulders of her proverbial half-albino/half-wolf knight in shining armor, Caine.

Once this creepy Soylent Green (1973) subplot is revealed, the pace of Jupiter Ascending ramps up substantially. For, at that juncture, the film sweeps up Jupiter for a visually-captivating journey which careens around the universe at breakneck speed, while barely pausing to take a breath until finally depositing a very relieved heroine back home where she’s happy to find herself surrounded by familiar faces.

An over-stimulating, intergalactic odyssey evocative of The Wizard of Oz.

Very Good (3 stars)

Rated PG-13 for violence, sci-fi action, partial nudity and some suggestive content

Running time: 127 minutes

Distributor: Warner Brothers Pictures

To see a trailer for Jupiter Ascending, visit:    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLyk00gFPdQ