Do You Believe?
Film Review by Kam Williams
If you’re familiar with the Best Picture Oscar-winner Crash (2004) and Thornton Wilder’s classic novel “The Bridge over San Luis Rey,” then you have a decent idea of what to expect from Do You Believe? Directed by Jonathan M. Gunn (Like Dandelion Dust), the picture is a heavy-handy faith-based flick which relies heavily on a combination of astounding coincidences and simplistic sermonizing to deliver its message.
The overplotted adventure litters the screen with more storylines than most would care to keep track of, especially since, regardless of the issue, the tension invariably builds up to the same basic question, namely, whether or not someone is a believer. My guess is that this absence of subtlety is apt to wear on audience members’ nerves after awhile, whether they be Christian or heathens.
To its credit, the film does feature a talented A-List cast which includes Lee Majors, Mira Sorvino, Cybill Shepherd and Sean Astin. Everybody throws themselves into the production with an admirable gusto, despite their ultimately being crippled by a mediocre script.
Among the dozen main characters are a veteran suffering from PTSD (Joseph Julian Soria); a married couple (Shepherd and Majors) mourning the death of their only child; a homeless widow (Sorvino) trying to survive on the streets with her young daughter (Mackenzie Moss); and ghetto gangstas (Senyo Amaoku and Shwayze) ostensibly operating without a functioning conscience.
Unfortunately, the transparent proselytizing employed here is likely to elicit the opposite response of what the director desires. The cinematic equivalent of a Jehovah’s Witness who won’t take “no” for an answer getting his foot stuck in your door. More of an annoying sales pitch than an entertaining, spiritually-oriented feature.
Fair (1 star)
Rated PG-13 for mature themes, an accident scene and brief violence.
Running time: 115 minutes
Distributor: Pure Flix Entertainment
To see a trailer for Do You Believe?, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogIX2Q7tEdc
Zombeavers
Film Review by Kam Williams
If you like your horror fare with generous helpings of humor and titillation mixed in, ala the Scream and Scary Movie franchises, have I got a film for you. Zombeavers is a campy comedy relying on a combination of low production values and eroticized violence to generate laughs.
The movie marks the feature film directorial debut of Jordan Rubin, who is best known as a scriptwriter for late night talk show hosts like Craig Kilborn, Carson Daly and Larry Wilmore. He also collaborated on Zombeavers‘ screenplay with first-timers Al and John Kaplan.
The high attrition rate adventure unfolds ominously enough, when a 55 gallon drum of toxic waste tumbles into a lake in the wake of a collision between a deer and a pickup truck caused by a pair of local yokels (Bill Burr and John Mayer) recklessly driving while texting. It’s not hard to imagine that a frightening chemical reaction might soon ensue, especially given the movie’s title.
But blissfully oblivious of this development are Mary (Rachel Melvin), Jenn (Lexi Atkins) and Zoe (Cortney Palm), sorority sisters looking forward to unwinding over the course of a college break they’ve decided to take without boyfriends. Their point-of-call is a cozy lakefront cottage belonging to a cousin of Mary’s.
Upon arrival, the trio discover that there’s no cell service in the remote locale, which might very well complicate matters should an emergency arise. It doesn’t help that the only folks around for miles are a couple of creepy neighbors (Brent Briscoe and Phyllis Katz) who look like they step off the set of Deliverance.
Nevertheless, the clueless coeds decide to don bikinis and take a dip in the pond where something evil is a brewing in the swamp where the contaminated water is slowly turning beavers into bloodthirsty zombies. Also unbeknownst to the bathing beauties, their three beaus are en route, which only serves to complicate matters, since a photo of Mary kissing Jenn’s boyfriend Sam (Hutch Dano) was recently posted on Facebook.
So, after Jenn slaps Sam, Zoe sneaks off into a bedroom with Tommy (Jake Weary), while Mary tries to mend fences with her man, Buck (Peter Gilroy). But before you have a chance to take any of that soap opera drama too seriously, the real fun begins when a rabid beaver surfaces in the bathroom.
What ensues is a relentlessly-cheesy B-flick far funnier than it is frightening.
Very Good (2.5 stars)
Rated R for gory violence, crude humor, graphic sexuality, gratuitous nudity and pervasive profanity
Running time: 76 minutes
Distributor: Freestyle Releasing
To see a trailer for Zombeavers, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7onFrBK_hKE
Growing Up and Other Lies
Film Review by Kam Williams
Jake (Josh Lawson) is finally fed up with New York after years of trying to make it as an artist in the city. So, right before he’s set to move back home to Ohio, he summons his three BFFS, Rocks (Adam Brody), Gunderson (Wyatt Cenac) and Billy (Danny Jacobs), to the northern tip of Manhattan for an impromptu gathering.
The plan is to spend the day reminiscing about their misspent twenties while traversing the entire 260 block-length of the island. The trip starts inauspiciously enough, with one of them vomiting on a train platform at 7 in the morning.
Next, another makes an offensive overture to an elderly woman sitting on a bench, asking whether she’d like to sit on his finger. Later, Gunderson goes out of his way to hurt the feelings (“I thought you’d be dead by now”) of a woman (Lucy Walters) he’d ostensibly seduced and unceremoniously dumped after a one-night stand.
The crude quartet also offers dubious, unsolicited dating advice to teenage girls attending an elite prep school, suggesting they avoid romance at all costs, since it invariably leads to having one’s heart broken. We also witness them dismantling a “Broadway” street sign, and giving a hard time (“How much for everything?”) to a working-class clerk at a farmer’s market. And Rocks (nicknamed for his huge gonads), whose fiancée (Lauren Miller) is nine-months pregnant, risks missing the birth of his baby in order to participate in the interminable, 13-mile trek down memory lane.
Co-written and co-directed by Danny Jacobs and Darren Grodsky, Growing Up and Other Lies is a meanspirited, misogynistic dramedy masquerading as a nostalgic male-bonding adventure. But this meeting of The He-Man Woman Haters Club (ala TV’s Little Rascals) merely takes delight in insulting females at every turn.
Its lame excuse for a plot presumes to thicken when Jake learns that Tabatha (Amber Tamblyn), the ex he still loves, has just broken up with her boyfriend and is suddenly on the market. Will he still pack up and leave, or will he postpone his plans to return to the Midwest in light of this development? Unfortunately, given how unlikable a protagonist we have here, you’re more inclined to root against than in favor of a romantic reunion.
Who wants to watch four, obnoxious, testosterone-fueled slackers vent their vile on a gauntlet of unsuspecting victims?
Poor (½ star)
Unrated
Running time: 90 minutes
Distributor: E1 Entertainment
To see a trailer for Growing Up and Other Lies, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Fn2vbw0120
Secret of Water
Film Review by Kam Williams
Between climate change and contamination, potable water is becoming an increasingly-scarce commodity. For instance, you might have heard that California has recently announced consumption restrictions due to a severe drought already affecting most of the state way before the arrival of summer.
If you’re one of those skeptics who still thinks that all the dire warnings about the dangers of pollution and global warming are unfounded, you might want to check out Secret of Water, an eye-opening, cautionary tale illustrating the toll that humans’ misuse of H2O might be exacting on the precious natural resource.
Directed by Jirka Rysavy, this informative documentary takes an alternatively scientific and spiritual approach to the subject, delving into an analysis that is as logical as it is metaphysical. On the one hand, the picture plausibly asserts that water is a living substance that can die if treated poorly. However, it also likens the substance to a malleable computer, going so far as to claim that it has memory and is capable of recording whatever it comes in contact with.
For this reason, it is further argued that water placed in plastic actually suffers, and that an animal will always rather drink from a natural spring than a stagnant container. One expert weighing-in opines on the importance of ionization and Ph factors, while at the other extreme of the academic spectrum we have a religion-oriented figure citing as significant the fact that the Bible never makes reference in Genesis to God’s creating water.
A cautionary, eco-expose’ amounting to a persuasive case that clean, free-flowing H2O in abundance is critical to preservation of life on the planet.
Very Good (3 stars)
Unrated
Running time: 76 minutes
Distributor: Quad Cinema
To see a trailer for Secret of Water, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOxijQjVBus
Get Hard
Film Review by Kam Williams
Thanks to a flourishing career as a hedge fund manager, James King (Will Ferrell) is living in the lap of luxury in a sprawling, Bel Air mansion. Furthermore, the pampered multimillionaire’s stock seems about to skyrocket, given his promotion to partner and his impending marriage to the boss’ (Craig T. Nelson) daughter, Alissa (Alison Brie).
By contrast, working man Darnell Lewis (Kevin Hart) is stuck on the other side of the proverbial tracks in South Central L.A. where he has to worry on a daily basis about the welfare of his wife (Edwina Findley) and young daughter (Ariana Neal). He’s eager to move them out of the ‘hood, but first needs to save $30,000 to secure the mortgage on their dream house.
As a regular patron of a valet car washing service, James has regularly crossed-paths with Darnell. Nevertheless, he mistakes him for a mugger the day he’s surprised to see a black man approach him in the office parking lot.
To add insult to injury, instead of apologizing for the hurtful faux pas, tone deaf James insensitively claims ”I would’ve reacted the same, if you were white.” Then, he rubs salt in cash-strapped Darnell’s wounds by suggesting that, “I got to where I am by hard work,” before smugly adding, “Success is a mindset.”
However, the two’s roles are reversed when James is convicted of securities fraud, and sentenced to ten years in San Quentin. With just a month before he has to report to prison, he asks Darnell to prepare him for life behind bars, based on another unfounded assumption, namely, that he’s an ex-con.
Darnell agrees, charging precisely the $30,000 he needs as a down payment on his ticket out of the ghetto. However, the jokes are all on James, since the supposed “incarceration expert” he’s just hired has never even seen the inside of a jail.
Thus unfolds Get Hard, an unlikely-buddies comedy co-starring Kevin Hart and Will Ferrell. The movie marks the noteworthy directorial debut of Etan Cohen, whose successful mix of over-the-top slapstick and subtle social satire yields a cinematic experience as silly as it is thought-provoking.
So, one moment, we might witness goofy, gratuitous nudity courtesy of exhibitionistic Ferrell who has never been shy about prancing around in his birthday suit, his Rubenesque physique notwithstanding. The next, we’re treated to relatively-sophisticated humor such as the musings of a spoiled rich kid boasting about how he built his company with his own two hands, before also admitting that he had actually relied upon an $8,000,000 loan from his father as seed money.
Provided you’re open to politically-incorrect fare ranging from racist to misogynistic to homophobic, you’re likely to enjoy this inspired pairing of the relentlessly absurd Ferrell and the motor-mouthed Hart at the top of their games.
Very Good (3 stars)
Rated R for full-frontal male nudity, drug use, ethnic slurs, and pervasive profanity, sexuality and crude humor
Running time: 100 minutes
Distributor: Warner Brothers Pictures
To see a trailer for Get Hard, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5lojEIitNw