Jersey Shore Massacre
Film Review by Kam Williams
When Teresa (Danielle Dallacco) and her girlfriends arrive at their rental house on the Jersey Shore, they’re shocked to learn that their sleazy stoner landlord (Ron Jeremy) already let someone else have the place for the weekend. Luckily, Teresa’s mobster Uncle Vito (Dominic Lucci) happens to have a summer home sitting empty in the nearby Pine Barrens, since he’s stuck in Staten Island under house arrest with an ankle bracelet.
After picking up five hot-looking guys on the beach, the six cute coeds get back into their convertible and make their way to a clearing in the godforsaken the forest. Turns out Uncle Vito has a pretty posh mansion with a built-in pool.
The bimbos slip into their bikinis and begin flirting with the buff boy-toys, blissfully unaware that a couple of Mafia hit men were just murdered in the same neck of the woods by a deranged maniac. If you’re familiar with high body-count slasher flicks, you have a good idea what’s in store for the unsuspecting revelers.
The killer soon starts picking them off one-by-one, dispatching each victim in very grisly fashion, whether that death be by baking in a tanning bed, by decapitating with a bicycle chain, by stabbing in a shower Psycho-style, by whipping, hanging, wood chipper, or run through by sword. Much of the violence is highly eroticized ostensibly to satiate the bloodlust of fans who like their slaughter with a little titillation on the side.
Written and directed by Paul Tarnopol, Jersey Shore Massacre is a gruesome horror flick not for the faint of heart. And the picture also paints a pretty pathetic picture of Italian-Americans, since the principal players are the sort of vapid, vain characters featured on the reality-TV series Jersey Shore.
While the film fails to break any new ground in terms of the splatterflick genre, it’s still entertaining enough to recommend, provided you have a strong stomach for vivisection and Italian stereotypes.
Good (2 stars)
Rated R for sexuality, nudity, profanity, drug use, ethnic and homophobic slurs, and graphic violence
Running time: 88 minutes
Distributor: Attack Entertainment
To see a trailer for Jersey Shore Massacre, visit
Jersey Shore Massacre
Film Review by Kam Williams
Weekend Getaway Turns Gory in High Body-Count Slasher Flick
When Teresa (Danielle Dallacco) and her girlfriends arrive at their rental house on the Jersey Shore, they’re shocked to learn that their sleazy stoner landlord (Ron Jeremy) already let someone else have the place for the weekend. Luckily, Teresa’s mobster Uncle Vito (Dominic Lucci) happens to have a summer home sitting empty in the nearby Pine Barrens, since he’s stuck in Staten Island under house arrest with an ankle bracelet.
After picking up five hot-looking guys on the beach, the six cute coeds get back into their convertible and make their way to a clearing in the godforsaken the forest. Turns out Uncle Vito has a pretty posh mansion with a built-in pool.
The bimbos slip into their bikinis and begin flirting with the buff boy-toys, blissfully unaware that a couple of Mafia hit men were just murdered in the same neck of the woods by a deranged maniac. If you’re familiar with high body-count slasher flicks, you have a good idea what’s in store for the unsuspecting revelers.
The killer soon starts picking them off one-by-one, dispatching each victim in very grisly fashion, whether that death be by baking in a tanning bed, by decapitating with a bicycle chain, by stabbing in a shower Psycho-style, by whipping, hanging, wood chipper, or run through by sword. Much of the violence is highly eroticized ostensibly to satiate the bloodlust of fans who like their slaughter with a little titillation on the side.
Written and directed by Paul Tarnopol, Jersey Shore Massacre is a gruesome horror flick not for the faint of heart. And the picture also paints a pretty pathetic picture of Italian-Americans, since the principal players are the sort of vapid, vain characters featured on the reality-TV series Jersey Shore.
While the film fails to break any new ground in terms of the splatterflick genre, it’s still entertaining enough to recommend, provided you have a strong stomach for vivisection and Italian stereotypes.
ood (2 stars)
Rated R for sexuality, nudity, profanity, drug use, ethnic and homophobic slurs, and graphic violence
Running time: 88 minutes
Distributor: Attack Entertainment
To see a trailer for Jersey Shore Massacre, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDcw8L_M3S4
If I Stay
Film Review by Kam Williams
A Life Hangs in the Balance in Adaptation of Bittersweet Best-Seller
Mia Hall (Chloe Grace Moretz) is a bright 17 year-old full of the bloom of youth. Between playing the cello purely for pleasure and dating the doting boy of her dreams (Jamie Blackley), the happy high school senior considers herself truly blessed.
She is even lucky enough to have the perfect parents (Mireille Enos and Joshua Leonard) who support the idea of her majoring in classical music, whether she gets into Juilliard or simply sticks around Portland to attend Lewis & Clark College. Mia is also very close to her only sibling, Teddy (Jakob Davies), a cute kid who absolutely adores his big sister.
However, fate intervenes, or so it seems, one snowy day during a family outing when a car coming in the opposite direction veers across the highway’s double lines. Right then, in the blink of an eye, their fortunes are irreversibly altered by an unavoidable head-on crash.
By the time the ambulances and paramedics come to the rescue, all four are in grave condition, and there is a chance that none might survive the tragic accident. Mia, who has suffered a collapsed lung, a broken leg and internal bleeding, slips into a coma.
At that instant, her spirit miraculously separates from her body, and she is suddenly able to observe situations and eavesdrop on conversations like an invisible ghost. While a team of doctors struggle to stabilize her vital signs in the hospital, she watches a nurse (Aisha Hinds) lean over and whisper that “Living or dying is all up to you” into her ear.
This suggests that Mia, ultimately, must choose between ascending to Heaven and returning to Earth to face a host of challenges on the road to recovery. And suspended in this state of limbo, she’s afforded the unusual opportunity to reflect and reminisce during the critical next 24 hours before making a decision.
That is the surreal setup of If I Stay, a bittersweet flashback flick based on Gayle Forman’s young adult novel of the same name. Although this unapologetically sentimental tearjerker will undoubtedly resonate with teens in the target demographic, the film’s surprisingly-sophisticated, thought-provoking exploration of such themes as family, friendship, love and spirituality ought to readily endear it to audiences in general.
Directed by R.J. Cutler, the movie basically revolves around introspective Mia’s contemplation of her future while factoring in her family’s grim prospects, nostalgia, and the bedside manner of visitors like her grandfather (Stacy Keach), boyfriend and BFF (Liana Liberato). Although reminiscent of The Lovely Bones (disembodied teen narrator), The Notebook (love story with a syrupy finale) and Twilight (star-crossed romance set in the Pacific Northwest), If I Stay is nevertheless a unique adventure with a tale to share all its own.
A poignant portrait of a life precipitously hanging in the balance which pushes all the right buttons to open the emotional floodgates.
Excellent (4 stars)
Rated PG-13 for sexuality and mature themes
Running time: 106 minutes
Distributor: Warner Brothers
To see a trailer for If I Stay, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wH6PNeTy6Nc
Abuse of Weakness
Film Review by Kam Williams
Catherine Breillat is a feminist filmmaker famous for shooting sexually-explicit films bordering on porn, although arguably from a woman’s perspective. Romance (1999), Fat Girl (2001) and Anatomy of Hell (2004) are among her highly-controversial offerings . Abuse of Weakness marks a bit of departure for the controversial iconoclast, as it is a semi-autobiographical drama revisiting an unfortunate chapter in her own personal life.
In 2004, she suffered a stroke which left her partially paralyzed on the left side and in that very vulnerable position soon fell prey to a notorious charlatan. While pretending to be her knight in shining armor, the creep proceeded to pressure Catherine to write him checks totaling over a million dollars.
The experienced thief was such a smooth operator that he managed to drain all the cash out of her bank account before what was transpiring came to the attention of any of her children. The philanderer simultaneously toyed with Catherine’s affections for over a year, seducing her despite his having an expecting wife and then a newborn at home.
All of the above is recounted in heartbreaking detail in Abuse of Weakness, a fictionalized screen version of director Breillat’s book of the same name. The poignant, character-driven drama co-stars Isabelle Huppert as Maud (aka Catherine) and Kool Shen as her duplicitous Casanova, Vilko.
The picture paints a plausible picture of how a patient attempting to recover from a life-threatening illness might be easily exploited by a conniving con artist without a functioning conscience. In this case, the arrogant Vilko never exhibits the slightest contrition, even when a humiliated Maud confronts him after finally facing up to the truth. He’s more worried about his wife (Laurence Ursino) finding out about their affair than about leaving his victim in such dire financial and medical straits.
A cautionary tale depicting a shocking example of man’s inhumanity to (wo)man.
Excellent (3.5 stars)
Unrated
In French with subtitles
Running time: 104 minutes
Distributor: Strand Releasing
The Giver
Film Review by Kam Williams
Despite being born in the same year and enjoying overlapping enduring careers, Oscar-winners Meryl Streep (for Kramer vs. Kramer, Sophie’s Choice and The Iron Lady) and Jeff Bridges (for Crazy Heart) never made a movie together prior to The Giver. Such a long overdue collaboration proves well worth the wait in this haunting, sci-fi adventure set in a deceptive dystopia masquerading as heaven on Earth.
The film is based on the Lois Lowry best-seller of the same name which won the Newbery Award as America’s best children’s book of 1994. This author-approved adaptation was directed by Phillip Noyce (Patriot Games) who tapped fellow Aussie Brenton Thwaites to portray the young hero, Jonas.
The picture’s point of departure is the young protagonist’s graduation day, when he participates in a coming-of-age ritual during which 18 year-olds are assigned a profession by the elders of their idyllic community. Jonas’ BFFs Asher (Cameron Monaghan) and Fiona (Odeya Rush) soon learn that they’ll be trained as a drone pilot and a nurturer, respectively.
Jonas, however, long recognized as special, because of an uncanny ability to see things differently, is designated the “Receiver of Memories,” the protégé of the “Giver” (Bridges). In that capacity, he quickly becomes aware that the whole society is a charade which shields its citizens from the fact that there is suffering in the world by injecting them once a day with a drug which keeps them naïve, obedient and blissfully content.
Truth be told, evil does exist in their midst, though invariably veiled, such as how the sick and the old are “Released” in a fashion that gives no hint that they’re actually being euthanized. And Jonas experiences a crisis of conscience in choosing whether to obediently follow in the Giver’s footsteps or to upset the apple cart by letting the cat out of the bag about how everybody’s mind is being controlled.
Among the factors influencing his critical decision is the unexpected pleasure associated with the “Stirrings,” the formerly-suppressed pangs of sexual awakening he suddenly feels for Fiona. Another involves the impending euthanizing of a baby with a birth defect (Alexander Jillings) he’s already bonded with.
Besides the historic pairing of Streep and Bridges, the film features sterling performances by the trio of emerging thespians playing the leads, as well as by Katie Holmes and Taylor Swift in support roles. A thought-provoking meditation on mind control offering a valuable lesson about the virtue of challenging any totalitarian authority.
Very Good (3 stars)
Rated PG-13 for action, violence and mature themes
Running time: 94 minutes
Distributor: The Weinstein Company
To see a trailer for The Giver, visit